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GH3 - Hash Notes
All runs start at 7:30pm unless otherwise advised

NOTES
A forced week of work and surgeon’s orders to be a couch potato following a recent nose job has lead to me watching more of the Winter Olympics than I normally would have.

Whilst a recent chance to go down an old Olympic bobsleigh run has given me a bit more respect for that particular aspects of the games, the whole event has pretty much left me with a sense of bewilderment.  For example, who chooses to do luge?  This is a sport where you hurtle down the ice track on a mini sledge, feet first wearing a suit that gives women a severe case of camel toe and shows not only what side the men dress to but also what religion they are.  Is there no indignity which isn’t allowed in the name of sport?

Mind you, I suppose this all pails in comparison to curling, a ‘sport’ which actually involves sweeping with a broom as part and parcel of the whole process.  Have I missed something.  Does the biathlon now include ironing as well as shooting.  Do the downhill skiers have to stop half way down the run and clean a loo?  Where will this stop?  Are the next games going to be sponsored by Mr Muscle?  Would Team GB have done better using a Vileda super mop?

Never mind.  At least by the time you read this it’ll all be over.  Roll on the warmer weather when the snow will melt.

On On
Deadloss

GH3 EVENTS

8 August - Bike Hash
Spotted Dick

Directions. Exit the M3 at Junction 4 and head south towards Guildford on the A331. Take the exit signposted to Mytchett. At the double mini roundabout go straight over towards Pirbright and the Basingstoke Canal centre. Potters is just over the canal on the right hand side The bash is starting from Potters Steakhouse Mytchett Place Road, Mytchett, GU16 6DD at 1100hrs sharp.

I apologise that we are not using the mess, but it means less hassle for Silent P and I , and we can get straight into the hills instead of wasting 20 minutes riding each way to get to them. I'm sure finely tuned athletes like you will appreciate being able to start with technical climbs and descents right from the outset. The trail is 14 miles long with a large percentage of it on single track through the woods. There may be a few contours to cross en route and there are a couple of play areas for the young at heart. For the less adventurous or more sensible mortals there are shortcuts and green routes around the more challenging bits. I do apologise but there is almost 600 metres of tarmac to negotiate also. Where possible please park on the side of the road outside Potters car park. If that gets too full then use the car parking spaces on the right as you go into the gate to the pub. The pub generally only does roast dinners on a Sunday lunchtime but they are prepared to do snacky things such as Sausage and chips if requested. It would be best to place your orders before we ride off. I look forward to seeing you all there. On On Spotted Dick

Other Hash Events

East Grinstead H3 Farmyard Olympics 27-29 August

East Grinstead H3 have invited everyone at GH3 and other nearby hashharriers to celebrate their 1000th run on August Bank Holiday weekend. It certainly looks good! The cost of entry increases after 30th April, so anyone interested need to print out the form and send it to Ian 'Blue Suit' O'Donovan at EGH3.

Receeeeeding Hareline      

Run 1289 – Old MacNickBrook, Mayford – The paranoid pack

For the latest offering from Old MacNickBrook we had a virgin on the run, Paul, as well as the welcome return of Wally.  I say the welcome return as this was the nice Wally that we haven’t seen for a while as opposed to the shut up Wally that we luckily haven’t seen for a while.

The hare’s pre-run talk was very few in words stating that it was smooth and wet underfoot.  I’m not sure if this was meant to calm me down or make me strangely aroused, but in the end it did neither.

The pack set off with Daring Alice complaining that he had to be off to Barbados soon after tonight.  Bearing in mind that we were still gripped in the worst aspects of the winter and the snow around us had barely melted, his forced suffering of a hot tropical climate didn’t get much sympathy from anyone in the area.

Still in the country and back for another run was Two Stroke, fresh from being interviewed by some TV show in London for his opinion on the war in Afghanistan, to which Two Stroke replied ‘what war?’.  Needless to say the interview didn’t got any further and he didn’t make his spot on the news.

After a brief loop round the back of the pub, the pack spent most of their time milling around Egley Road, not convinced that the trail was heading in any particular direction.  Even when the trail was found and was called over the Mayford Roundabout most of the pack seemed to stay where they were.  Maybe they were hoping for a huge bluff, the trail being called right back where they still were and the biggest shot cut ever in history taking them back to the pub in record time.  Dream on.

The pack was so lame at picking up the trail that Big Mac and Glob were FRB’s even though they were walking.

More tittering around and the trail was eventually picked up with a loop round Worplesdon station and a hell of a lot of shiggy until we got back.

Down downs were given to Paul the virgin (when he eventually made it back), Big Mac for his hash rules, Wally as the returnee, G-Force for soliciting a passing motorist, Ferret for his Oscar style tumbling and Rhum for a spoonerism of his wife’s name.

With no GM, Whippet Out was asked to stand in as a JM, prompting him to ask what a JM actually does.  Whether this question should be applied to JM’s in general or Whippet in particular will lead to a very different answer being given.

His summary was that the run was amazingly hilly and so complex that all of th pack got lost  Unfortunately that was only him, with the rest of the pack enjoying a great trail, despite the last loop on the end.  Lets hope that Whippet enjoyed the run that he did anyway.

          On On Deadloss

Run 1290 – Tonto, Hankley Common – Cold just aint the word

Now we’ve had snow on runs before and we’ve had cold weather.  But there’s cold and then there’s f***ing cold.  This was way beyond that and for the first time in all of the years hashing I could fully appreciate why Doggystyle and Birth stay ensconced in their cars until three nano-seconds before the trail normally starts.

Tonight was freezing cold, snowing and a howling wind, giving a chill factor guaranteed to give anyone a voice higher than Aled Jones doing that snowman in the air stuff.

When the pack did eventually get going the trail left the car park and went down to the first check where Biscuit scared the living daylights by jumping out of the undergrowth next to me.  This in itself normally wouldn’t be too bad but I’ve just been watching True Blood leading to an overdose of thoughts about vampires.

The run descended into a tour of portaloos which appeared to have been dumped randomly over the common.  What purpose they served was uncertain, other than random places to have a wee although being out in the middle of a common means that there are plenty of places for relief.

Half an hour into the trail and about five portaloos on, some calling was heard some way off, prompting Tonto to state ‘if that’s Wayne I’ll wring his neck’.  Obviously love and compassion only go so far.

As the trail went on a big decision loomed as to which direction it would go.  Not knowing where on earth we were I ventured right, Underdeveloped ventured left with In The Bum refusing to get drawn in and take sides.  Having been at the check for at least five minutes, Mind The Tracks arrived adamant that he had gone the right way, although it was pointed out that had he gone the right way he would have been at the check earlier than he was.

Growler and Gaylick turned up even later, although had an excuse as they had started the whole trail about 10 minutes late.  Underdeveloped suggested there was a bit of rear guard action going on.  Whatever had happened it was enough to totally disorientate Growler as she was calling for Scrappy earnestly without realising that he was right behind her.

Moving on and a personal insult was levelled at me when Tonto called me Big Mac.  Okay it was dark and I’m still carrying a few pounds from Christmas but please…….Mind you, Tonto was also heard to mutter that he thought we were going the wrong way part of the way round his own trail.

A long trail back in and the pack eventually reached the car park for welcome respite and the shelter of the cars.

Down downs were given to Drft and Nick for wearing shorts, In The Bum for complaining about the loos, Caroline for mentioning an interesting use of bubble wrap and tastewart for his blasphemous comments about me.

The GM stepped up and stated that the run was brilliant apart from the wet and cold parts.  Probably would have been better on a different day and with better weather.

            On On Deadloss

Run 1291 – Ooh That’s A Hard One, Bocketts Farm – Too long and too hard

Another cold night for the pack that turned up and disappointment from the off when Birth was told that there were no short cuts.

As the pack moved out, old ways came to the fore with a frot at the first check, with Mole happily wedged in with Birth, Doggy and Twin Peaks.  Not sure if he was sheltering from the cold or just taking advantage of a lucky situation.

On to the second check and the presence of some gorse bushes led to Specky complaining that he’d laddered his tights.  I really hope he meant the running variety.  Also lamenting things past was Mind The Tracks, who was sad that he used to have the brightest torch in the hash but that now it was just a dim glow.  Ah the ravages of age.

As the pack moved on, we came to a grinding halt at yet another check with hashers running in all manner of directions.  Birth seemed to have either a calling, had been given a short cut or was desperate for a pee as she ran with a renewed vigour.  Whatever the reason, Underdeveloped and me thought it was worth following her.

Mind you, the choice of company could have been better as Underdeveloped started talking about a TV show he’d seen about the horrors of birth.  This led to everyone else joining in the discussion to such an extent that the hare walked right through the group and under the railway bridge laying flour as he went and still we didn’t pick up on the trail.

As we moved on, the trail went down a hill and ended up at a car park a long stones throw from the car park.  Great timing everyone thought as we’d been out for about 45 minutes and a nice run in right now would be perfect.  A big shame then that the hare thought otherwise and took the trail in totally the other direction, along the road toward Dorking before turning up hill.

Although there was no flour, the hare definitely pointed this way and like sheep the pack followed.  It was only some way up the hill that the revelation came we had actually short cut about half a mile off the run and that we should have gone out even further before turning up.

Eventually limping in to the car park at 9pm, the pack was glad to be home and accepted the peace offering of cake that the hare had brought, although the hare was also heard stating that the run was only 7km.

Down downs were awarded to Gaylic for his demolition derby parking manoeuvres, Sinthia for being a tumbling tosser, Cynthia for searching for the on in in vain way too early and Scrote who was also a tumbler.

The GM stepped up and said that it was a brilliant run, especially the cake.  All in all great, though could have done without the last loop.
On On Deadloss

Run 1292 – Loose Article, Hurtmore

The scribe was in hospital having his nose chopped to pieces.  Can anyone offer a write up?

This page was last updated by Mole on 30/8/10

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