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GH3 - Hash Notes
All runs start at 7:30pm unless otherwise advised

Hash House Herald July 2008

GH3 Christmas Bash
24th Jan 2009 Drift Golf Club in Horsley                      

Other Hash Events

Interhash Perth 2008

Eurohash 2009 Turkey

Receeeeeding Hareline

NOTES

Run 1201
9th June 2008
Glob

This was a glorious hashing evening – warm sunny, light until 10pm and not a canal in site (or a Spotted Dick) On such evenings all that is needed is a top hare and we had Glob.
It started with a hill, steeping from the car park and went up and up to the arboreatum (not Winkworth, Dangerous) and ended with a long downhill from the Leith Hill viewpoint.

 It was helped along by a cooperative hare and a volunteer Checkin Chicken (Is it Safe) whose application of arrows rivalled Popeye’s anchors and led a larger than normal number of latecomers, notably Last Gasp, were guided safely through, although Big Mac stayed out rather late.

The run twisted through Ralph Vaughan Williams old garden with the trail being well orchestrated by Glob although some of the outfits sported by the hash, yes you Lite Bite did hardly respect the old tunesmith’s memory.

On to Leith Hill where we enjoyed the only Regroup of the run with the famous “seven counties” view in front of us. The regroup was lengthy which was just as well as the remainder of the run wasn’t . A marvellous confection stop allowed us to sample the delights of “Lethal cake” as provided by Mrs Glob and this was yummy enough to rob the Wootton Hatch of several meals later, despite evidence that it had been hanging around since Xmas.
 
Also on offer on the hill were long round ice lollies to cool the gums of hot hashers although Satisfaction Guaranteed had many an ear pricking as she looked at the penis shaped ices and cooed “I haven’t sucked one of those for years” She sucked on a beer for that.

Sinners included Hopeless case for running Wurzel like into a barbed wire fence leaving a deep impression (in his chest) and Nelson and Deep Throat for trying to be athletic while Mole was fined for a spectacular fall. Whippet Out was thankful that he had not run into the same wall as he is very long the resulting injury may have made him  a new man or maybe a woman.

Last words to Popeye at the summing up where he said “par cark”   

On On

RHUM

Is It Safe and co hare Cyder House Shackleford
Who is the **** is Basil anyway
Everyone knows Michael and knows Michael as “Michael the Dentist”. So why on earth has he been given some obscure hash name of is it safe, so that no one over the age of 10, or an IQ to match, has any idea who he is and is not so much a name but more of a description.
Why cant he be known as Toofy, Backache, Unavailable, Expensive, Driller ,Open Wider some thing we can relate to the profession. After all Glob is called Glob because he is so bleedin fussy viz said Glob complaining that of the numerous Doritos flavours on offer at the drinks stop, “Diced Ponce with a hint of Basil” was not one of them, but he is highly demanding, Glob that is ,not Ponce, diced or un-diced, or Basil for that matter. Who is Basil anyway or as big Mac would say who the f*** is Basil. Having said all that I can see someone will shortly be christened “Diced Ponce with a Brush of Basil”. And Lofty is called Lofty because …..
Anyway there was Toofy, aka Michael the Dentist, and his co hare (apologies but the Webmistress has not published the Co Hares name) setting quite a decent virgin trail on a cracking little evening down at the Cyder house in Shackleford. True it could have done with a couple more checks on the run in but the package as a whole, with a drinks stop with Doritos or was it Nachos, was indeed a very game attempt from two of the finest brains in the Hash; and I don’t mean finest in the slender sense, or do I, not that that is much of a compliment in any event
Years ago in the time of Cinders, the Cyder House was a legendary hash venue but we haven’t been there for ages, possibly because the pub has been closed; and as its still closed you could well be asking what are we doing there now. The answer is heading off to the local Harvester which quelle horreur was not serving food. And while we are on the subject, Cinders is the sort of hash name to conjure with; witty compassionate, gentle, graceful, sensible, stylish and just so unlike its owner. And talking of owners I must say that as stand-in RA, Specky is slipping rather well into the role with some very pithy asides and comments that somewhat disturbingly seem to pertain to what happened on the run and are funny as well. That said however Underdeveloped has got to get his arris or his shoulder or whatever is not in gear back into gear and return smart-ish before he misses all the daylight runs.
Just a short word in favour of the positive discrimination of the harriettes that that most famous of Harriets, “La Harman” is proposing . The audit committee has noticed that despite the fact that half the population are wimin and, if you count talking, far more than half, they would appear to be under-represented on the GH3 Board if it were not for G Force, Cynthia, Doggystyle, Legs and SatNav, the trailmistress. But, you ask, G Force is not on the GH3 Board (yet) it just feels like she is because of all the abuse she dishes out to that very nice Ferret and Dangerous (could be a good name for a pub ---The F and D-----, come to think of it). And it also has to be said that SatNav is turning into a very organised and cute trailmistress with hashers falling over themselves to lay a trail and receive one of her delightful little appointment cards. If you do not beat a path to her door smartish you might not get the chance to lay a trail until 2012.
Which brings me to the rather disturbing fact GH3 now whip on like the proverbial bat out of hell. New runners are appearing from nowhere and the pace kicks in, even on the Monday after the Axe valley run which is always a bit dicey. This year a goodly proportion survived Saturdays 18 mile run 5 beer stops a cream tea and fish and chips on route to appear on Monday night. All sported a rather natty lilac T shirt which Simple said looked more red in the shop than it did in the Cyder House car park but credit to Simple and Cynthia for organising some 60 Pithed Hathers round the Saturday run. Even Lite Bite got round Twin Peaks, well he tried; he got round the run I should say and failed badly to get rould TP. Apparently his staying power is not what it used to be.
On On Drous

Run 1202 – Rhum, Lightwater – Life’s A Drag

It is estimated that there are about 147 charity shops in the immediate Guildford area.  I say estimated as I have absolutely no idea of the correct number and can’t be bothered to do any research to get an accurate figure.

Anyway, of these 147 I would estimate that at least two thirds seem to be kept going by Guildford Hash judging by the array of dodgy outfits that were on display for tonight’s run.  For reasons unknown, Rhum had decreed that tonight was to be a black dress run and encouraged all to participate accordingly.  Whilst there may have been some deeper meaning to this, the main reason seemed to be Rhum’s noted penchant for cross dressing and was simply an excuse to get this season’s little number out of the closet.

There is a show on cable TV called ‘Sex Change Hospital’ following the lives of transgender patients as they go through extreme surgery to fulfil their ambition of what they feel is becoming the gender they were always meant to be.  Whilst the female to male patients end up looking quite masculine and make a genuine transition, no matter how much surgery they have to alter themselves, the male to female patients always end up looking like a big bloke in a dress and wig.

Just imagine that image and simply plonk a pair of trainers on the bottom and hey presto, you’ve got Guildford Hash.

Whilst some hashers are ugly enough in their own right, this is nothing compared to the horror shows that they become whilst wearing a black dress that doesn’t really fit properly.  The trouble is that they don’t realise this and run around with misplaced pride in their appearance.  They should also adhere to the maxim that sometimes less is more.  Case in point was Dogbreath with a ginger wig that had clearly seen better days, Tastewart looking a dead ringer for Amy Winehouse just without the tattoos and Flyboy replete with full make up, wig and a pork pie hat that any granny would eye with jealous intent.

Shocks over, there was a run tonight which I can’t really recall too much about.  Sadly a bit of rain at the start meant I left my trusty notebook in a dry car with the result that all memory of the run has now well and truly gone.

From the few brain cells that have still got some life in them, the run headed out from the car park, went up and down a few hills, went through some serious shiggy before looping back to where it started from.  It seemed to keep the pack very close together throughout and had the FRB’s running in circles for quite a while due to some cleverly placed back checks and falsies.  Whilst the territory has been used before, it’s been a while and Rhum used this to his advantage by confusing the pack and keeping them guessing as to where they really were and which way we would go.  This was never more evident as the trail came close to the motorway, daring the pack to take the tunnel underneath it as opposed to the true trail off to the right.

Back in the circle, there were down downs galore to match the dressy occasion;

• Lucy and Alex as visitors, although it was noted that Alex did turn up with a dress
• Whippet Out for pinching someone else’s black dress for the run
• Wurzel for calling off flour
• Nashit, Popeye and Honey for having matching black bin bag dresses
• Tastewart for trying to look like Amy Winehouse but ending up like Fred Flintsone
• Lofty for confusing the issue by dressing in black tie
• Flyboy for his OTT dress that fitted just a bit too well
• Bodyshop who looked like he was an escapee nun
• Spotted Dick for a nice little off the shoulder number exposing his nipple piercings
• Mind The Tracks for a dress that resembled a giant shuttlecock and looked like Specky’s Granny
• And Dogbreath for his ravishing wig, dress and beads combo that looked as if he was waiting for Fred Astair to turn up

The GM declared the run a feast of footpaths guided by the motorway although berated the lack of trail down Lightwater High Street.  After all, what’s the point of getting dressed up if you’ve got nowhere to go?
 
On On Deadloss

Run 1204
Staples Lane car park
30th June 08
Fartlick and Birthing Blanket

Birthing Blanket and Fartlick! In partnership to set a hash? Its like Dame Shirley Bassey going in with Dame Kiri te Kanawa to organise a wrestling competition. Synchronicity in apparent short supply and the threat of the boot looming for at least one of the hares who has a  previous, notable golden record. Put together with Birth’s penchant for long endless ones and Fartlick’s preference for live laying and you could have the makings of a very interesting evening indeed with the prospect of a first lost live hare in the making.

In fact, this run had the trademarks of Fartlick all over at suggesting that the Birth Blanket had merely been a “comfort” to him during the setting, although she claimed to have actually laid a chunk of it. Surely, if she had it would have gone somewhere near the silent pool?

 The tell tales were there as we went out of the Staples Lane car park around a few trails and guess what, we were back at the car park called on in the opposite direction by Knickers Off, who was calmly directing latecomers arriving at the packed clearing. Some with long memories (I nearly typed long mammaries but was clearly  thinking of Birth at the time) will recall one of Fartlick’s last efforts from Newlands where exactly the same cunning stunt was used the gain him valuable breathing space as he hides from a marauding Popeye charging all over the place guessing where he might be.

It occurs that many hashers have their trade marks. Popeye with his anchors all over the place, Birth with her weeing and others with a Litely Bitten fondness for cross dressing and Fartlick does like his back to the car park runs

Birth was clearly not involved at all in the final analysis as the run was exactly one hour and given perfect weather we were all quite happy to be missing the only bit of excitement to emanate out of SW19 the whole two weeks (at that time)

We had one of those “look at that” moments at the start as Specky turned up looking like he had skied behind Bod’s  Porsche using his face as a brake. He got so fed up with explaining his predicament that he was called to circle to give a final analysis. We had a guest RA in Spotted Dick who dispensed beers with military precision, although he missed one for Ponce who was heard calling “On In” half way round when he claims that he was calling his dog Molly? We had a rare down down for Cynthia with an even rarer cause involving Dildos that even her “nom de hash” would have been proud of. Replay was a tumbling tosser with a sore knee to boot and there were also a couple of virgins.

On on to the White Horse in Shere where the staff were less stroppy than usual.

On On
RHUM                  

This page was last updated by Mole on 23/7/08

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