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GH3 - Hash Notes
All runs start at 7:30pm unless otherwise advised

Hash House Herald May 2009

In an attempt to bring Guildford Hash into the 21st century, I decided to invest in some voice recognition software in what may prove to be a futile effort in getting the notes done and sent out to everyone a bit quicker.

Whilst it is not without some teething troubles, on the whole it seems to do a slightly better job than my two fingered efforts at typing therefore it is with some integration that the addition of these notes will be done entirely "hands free" using this wondrous technology, which according to the box is meant to revolutionise my life, free up valuable time that would otherwise have been spent being punished by a temperamental keyboard and make me wonder how I ever managed without it before.

Whether this works remains to be seen, as so far the only thing it seems to be giving me these a major headache due to a very badly designed headset and microphone.

Mind you, this now gives me the additional excuse that any bad grammar, typing and general mistakes within the notes are now down to this wonderful invention as opposed to being my fault. Anyone wishing to make complaints regarding the standard or content of the notes will be more than welcome to vent their spleen at a small green cardboard box that I will be happy to bring along with me to any hash.

On On

Deadloss

Run 1249 – Wally - BH3 Joint run – The takeover run

Entrepreneurial hasher Wally acquired a controlling interest in GH3 at the shareholders AGM last Monday.

This follows previous takeovers The Gurney(Soppy H3),
The Whale(Nancy BoysH3), WOTUSAY (BalderdashH3) and the non hashes
of Oxford and Didcot.

Many members failed to turn up(no poxy votes either) as the rules state that shareholders have to run a bit before the vote.  The 15 of those tough enough to accept the challenge were led by Gforce who used whistles to control her block vote.

Many favouring the takeover by Wally were soon out trying to run the bs into the ground or cause them heart failure.  These were led by Nick(Slowsucker) Gleeson who disappeared into the forest.  But there was resistance by that slip of a girl Cynthia followed way behind by Bit Mac and Simple.  Fukawe(the bionic woman) also showed a turn of pace that made the hashmen look like whimps.

Past a stinking pond up a hill and the bears with some insider dealing sent the “ independence for GH3 faction” into Caesar’s Camp where they were attacked by a legion of Roman soldiers.  Casualties were low at this stage but with a hop and a skip we were at Upper Star Post to regroup.

Soon after this GH3 supporters started to decamp. 2 good running harriets were led off by a male spy in the last mile never to be seen again.  At the polling station  G Force dragged a reluctant Ferret in but when she realised she had to wait she declared the ballot invalid and retreated with the forlorn(for he had to cut the grass that afternoon) Ferret  between her legs!

10 green bottles ………

Gathering inside for the final count there were only 7 left and when a delay until 8pm was declared by the officiating officer 5 more went to meet their bedtime deadline – Paynefuls, Bit Mac, Mouth Organ, Monster Raving.  Fortunately Monster Raving was allowed to accept his award for the only male who can run in Guildford and Mouth Organ a booby prize for being an oxymoron(how can you have a name like that and make less noise than a church mouse – his one contribution when bullied was a vaporous ooon  ooon(didn’t reach the decibel levels of a grasshopper!)

So it was that only BODYSLOB and RUSTY BALLS were there to support the cause.  The former called out GROWLER for a token down down and although known normally for his oratory could only slag of the competition or try to get them drunk.  The latter declared that he had built this Methodist Church and as we were voting in a sacred place, all ballot papers were void.

Farewell GH3 remember the days of The MOLE and POPEYE.
The days when  SG meant sat’faction g’teed and now is reversed to give a GHASTLY SITUATION.  From now ON ON you will be known as Berkshire( Southern Division) and use the BH3 brand.

P.S. They sent in a spotted dick but it was too late the deadline had past and everyone had eaten their food so bribes wouldn’t work

On On Wally

Sat 30th May - GH3 ANNUAL WALK
Starting from Monsal Head in Derbyshire, just north of Bakewell (where the tarts come from!)
Full Details

20 June – Axe Valley Run
Entries for the modified run have now been opened by Axe Valley Runners.  If you had already put your entry to Simple, it’s been sent off.  If not, see him to go on a possible waiting list or apply yourself.

9 August – Bike Hash
Spotted Dick is organising a bike hash to start at 11am from the Sergeants Mess in Aldershot.  The route will be fairly gentle, lasting 2-3 hours and finishing with a curry lunch.

Holmbury Weekender - 12 Sep tbc

Other Hash Events

Eurohash 2009 Turkey

Receeeeeding Hareline      

Run 1247 – Sat.G’Teed – Hascombe –best Boot forward

For those of you who can remember the last run that Sat. G’teed set from the same pub about a year earlier, she could have made us run around the car park three times and most of the pack would have been happy with this.

I'm not saying that she's a bad hare, it's just that it's not the best area to try and lay a trail that the pack haven't run at least 10 times before and probably know where the trail is going to go even before the hare has been out to do a recce.

Undaunted by the pressure of such a task, Sat. G’teed was confident that she had found some new territory and that tonight's experience would be a better venture than the previous attempt.

Spirits were high in the car park before the run started, despite G Force’s best efforts to run over Specky with her new car when he was simply standing in as RA for the night and trying to muster the pack into some sort of order. Mind you, how on earth he missed her coming into the car park is beyond me, as G Force has purchased a new car and opted to have it in the brightest yellow they could do. No doubt the car dealership will describe it as "Meadow Buttercup" or "morning sunshine" but the fact is it's neon yellow and too similar to the fluorescent running top that Whippet Out is often seen wearing.

Given the colour of the car, the volume of the driver and the fact that you can normally hear the engine being over revved from 2 miles away, maybe it's time Specky invested in new glasses and a hearing aid.

Minor traffic altercation is aside, the pack was assembled together with a returnee, Hopeless Case. The hare made her way briefly into the circle stating that tonight's run was very simple and that if people were checking on trails and there were no blobs, then they shouldn't be there. As an afterthought, she added that the run was very pretty.

As the on out was issued, the pack sped off straight into a problem at the first corner. 99% of the pack wanted to turn on the trail heading off to the right, although Sat G’teed was adamant that the Trail actually went to the left. The majority of the pack didn't believe her and continued checking to the right until with a temper tantrum worthy of Bonnie Langford in her child acting days, Sat G’teed screamed at everyone to "follow the effing flour" and stormed off to the left.

The trail moved on, distinctively muted from previous efforts, and started to climb uphill. Unfortunately, this was the time that Birthing Blanket warned me that tonight was not a good night to be behind her. Whether this was an as yet untapped source of natural gas that could solve the world's energy problems or the result of overconsumption of egg vindaloo with Guinness was unknown, although I decided it best not to hang around to find out and quickly ran past.

As the trail carried on going up and down hills in a general right hander direction, even the distraction of the abundant bluebells couldn't shake everyone from the feeling that we were out on a jolly as opposed to a hash, although to give credit where credit is due, the bluebells were quite pretty which is what had been promised at the start of the run.

Spotted Dick was seen sporting some bizarre bandaging on his left arm, which unfortunately didn't extend to keeping his mouth shut. He stated that this was the result of a skiing incident when his left bicep had been ripped off by a girl he was teaching to ski, when she decided to use his arm as a means to stop as opposed to the more traditional snowplough position. As I really believe anything that Spotted Dick actually tells me, I did a trawl of the Internet but couldn't find anything to contradict him on this occasion.

Round about three quarters of the way round the trail, my notes seem to have drawn a blank as has my memory. I know that the trail continued on until the end, but can't recall anything inspiring about the run or anything memorable happening, aside from a bit of shortcutting by Mole, Daring Alice, Ferret and Dead Heat for which they all escaped later punishment.

Backing the car park, tonight's virgin, Mick, commented about he thought it was good. Mind you, he was just being polite.

Down downs were given to the virgin, Dogbreath Flyboy, Lite Bite, Ferret, G Force, Replay, Specky & Nelson. As to the reasoning behind their sins, the only one I can remember is Dogbreath for driving straight past the car park, oblivious to the numerous cars and hashers getting ready, more than likely being in his own little world and avidly listening to the Archers.

The GM stepped in and complained bitterly that all of the checks were covered in leaves and that the run wasn't short, flat or easy as he had been led to believe. This could have been due to the fact that he was on a totally different run, as per normal, covering an area of the countryside that the hare wasn't even aware of.

All in all, whilst it beat staying home on a Monday night, may be the hare’s name should be slightly revised to come with a disclaimer to avoid any potential issues with trading standards.

          On On Deadloss

Run 1248 – Ponce – Elstead –The AGM run

It’s amazing what the promise of cheap food can do, with the turnout for the AGM run providing the largest pack seen so far this year. So much so, that Simple was convinced the car park had actually shrunk since the last time it had been used.

So many cars arrived that Spotted Dick was forced to park on a section of swamp, that he only became aware of when he got out of his car. Mind you, the alternative was driving around the car park for 10 minutes desperately looking for a space which is what Gaylick was forced to do. Whether he thought it was like the car park at Tesco's and somebody would drive out and leave her space to park is totally beyond me.

However, even this was beaten by Akela who arrived in the car park just as the pack were about to leave sporting a suit and tie, which is hardly his normal hashing attire and even caused me to doubt whether it was him to begin with.

Once the parking shenanigans were over, the pack settled down to order and with almost no instruction from the hare, set off with only the promise that tonight would be a fairly straightforward, and hopefully short, run that could be completed without the aid of a torch and would give us plenty of time in the pub later on.

Heading out straight onto the common, it became clear that tonight's run was going to be dominated by mud. The ground conditions were extremely bad to the point that the ski sticks Bidet had brought women actually now seem to be a good idea.

He was gallantly seen using these as an aid to help some damsels in distress when they needed to cross a small stream, having taken the wrong pathway from one of the checks. Birthing Blanket and Knee Trembler were given a helping hand by Bidet with only the request of a kiss in return. I think given the choice, the water wasn't that deep or muddy and seemed to be the preferable option. Growler obviously decided that the cost of Bidet’s help was too much and was seen literally launching Scrappy over the stream and then making her own leap of faith to the other side.

The rest of the run was one of those that seemed to be fairly uneventful, with nothing really occurring that was noteworthy or remarkable. As such, notes taken on the run were few and far between with nothing even vaguely interesting happening that could be turned into some sort of salacious titbit. It was actually something of a relief when the trail turned homeward, the pond loomed into site and the pack realised it was almost over.

On reflection, Ponce stated that he was more concerned in getting the pack home on time for the meal booked at the pub as opposed to setting a run that the hash could actually sink its teeth into, assuming that those older members of the pack still have some of their own teeth or at least a decent set of dentures with which to sink into something.

Down downs were awarded to Sam and Greg, visitors for this evening as well as Popeye who had driven straight to the pub car park rather than reading the directions, Birthing Blanket for her attempts at crossing the stream as well as Headboy and Mile high, although their reasons remain a mystery.

The GM stepped in to make his summary of the run, for what was to be his last official time before handing the baton of leadership on to his worthy successor. He commented that he had enjoyed reaching the checks tonight without having Ponce calling from half a mile in the distance and congratulated Ponce for losing a large number of the pack who should have known better, including himself.

Off to the pub and the AGM seemed to go very well.  Various awards were dished out to recipients for outstanding achievements of mediocrity within the last year, with the coveted Golden Boot being awarded to Sat G’teed for her efforts in Hascombe and to prove that 24 hour engraving really does mean there is no such thing as a ‘safe’ time to set a run before the AGM. 

The new committee were sworn out and most of them sworn in again as the new committee, although Popeye stood aside after several years of hard effort to allow Under Developed to take over the mantle of GH3.  Having worked hard to keep the rest of the committee in check and organise fantastic annual events, Popeye will be a tough act to follow, so Under Developed has no pressure on him!

A good night and a great start to another wonderful year.

On On Deadloss

This page was last updated by Mole on 30/6/09

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